They say happiness doesn't last, and all good things have to come to an end. But why must mine have to end so soon, just when we can finally spend time together and go out to more places. I can't believe he's gone just like that. Two days ago we were just having our nice dinner at Dian Xiao Er at amk hub, we were just sitting in the park exchanging our presents for our 1st year anniversary.. 3 days ago we were just having dinner with his parents and watching a movie together and walking my dog together... Last night, less than 24 hours ago we were just at his BBQ with his friends and spending some time together... 5 days ago we just completed our 1500piece jigsaw puzzle... 7 days ago at this time, we were just watching Wicked together...
I really can't believe he's gone just like that. I won't be waking up to good morning texts from him in the same time zone, I won't be there to say goodnight to him in the same timezone, when it's day there it'll be night here. I couldn't stand the sight of him walking into the departure hall.. It was so horrible and it was so hard to control my tears, I don't know when I'll see him again.
Walking around just now it's like I can't believe he's no longer with me by my side. I thought I heard him calling my name from behind, but no I was just thinking too much. I don't have his hands to hold anymore as I walk.. Even the thought of watching movies make me so sad that he won't be here to hug me anymore as we watch movies... And he always wants to hug me in the movies it's like our default position in the cinemas and on MRT, buses, cabs... On the bus back I felt so uncomfortable. I don't have his shoulder to lie on to anymore... no strong arms to keep me warm...
I keep having to remind myself he's far away now... Not in tekong not playing soccer somewhere but on the other side of the world.. It really hurts so bad... The spot where he said he felt weird to me last night, is where i'm feeling weird now... It feels empty. Like somebody just took my heart out of me. I thought I could cope with this I thought I could be strong for him I thought I could hold in my tears but I really can't.
I didn't think I would miss him so badly. It's much worse than I expected. It's much worse than what I'm prepared for. And it's only been 10 hours since he left. I keep feeling like I'm going to see him this weekend. I keep thinking of where we'd go this weekend. Then I realise he wouldn't be here. It's no longer like when he was still in camp. He's no longer here in Singapore... Not a single second have passed without me thinking of him. Everywhere I go it just brings back so much memories of me and him together. Not that it's a bad thing but it's really painful because he's no longer here... I used to think, how could he bear to leave me here alone. Doesn't it hurt him at all? Don't he care about me? But today he promised me he'd be back.. But I just don't know when.
Missing him it's really so horrible I don't like this feeling at all. As he walked into the departure hall I was so scared. I felt like I had a hundred and one million things I've never said to him, a hundred and one million things I've never done with him, I felt like I will regret letting him go like that... I can't cope with this I really can't... I just miss him so bad... I guess I will live with this feeling until the day he comes back, and I will wait patiently even if it's a year it's better than nothing. I'm really sure I'll wait no matter what, because I'm really sure of him. This isn't any child's play, this is love.
