Happy Halloweeeeeen.


Trick or Treat?


What will you be? Monster, Alien, Witch, Ghost, Cartoon?
Have a great great day!

Not been feeling too good these few days. Physically unwell cus I caught a cold somewhere but I don't know where.

Mentally unstable. I don't know what to do with my life. On the bus back home everyday I'd either sleep or think about my own future. Somehow I can't see a future for myself. It's like I've got this strong feeling I'm gonna die before 18.

You know how a person knows he's gonna die.. Like it's just a feeling that you know you're dying. And that's what I've been feeling for quite some time.



Most of the time I feel I'm invisible. So miserable in JC, yet I don't have anywhere else to go. I'm really competitive, and I can't stand losing to certain people. Guess that's what made me so stressed in JC because it's more than highly competitive. And also, I can't mix with JC people, it's like we're of different blood. And I talk so much in school but hardly anybody ever listens. Really feel extremely sad in school.


I feel like JC people are more or less selfish and they're really hard to fathom. JC's fun is so much more different compared to really fun FUN. It's like sometimes when I do have fun in JC, I feel bad for having fun.

Gahhhhhhhhhh what am I talking about.



My point is, I don't see any true people in JC. We're all not really close, but not really far as well. Maybe it all sums up to JC being so highly competitive and everybody's aiming to score As.

But I don't. I have never really aimed to score an A. I always procrastinate.

I always put things off to the very last minute.

In my pea-sized brain I only daydream, wishing for things I know I'll never get.


Maybe that's why I'm retained. Because I never ever dreamt of doing well, and Lady Luck wasn't on my side.



They say there's a God somewhere. I prayed to do well, and I promised to put in effort, and I know hard work always pays.

I tried, I studied, I did all I could.
But where is the God I prayed to?
My hard work didn't pay.



Now, you couldn't really consider that hard work when I only started hard work 2 weeks before the major exam. I know it's too late, but honestly, being late is better than never starting at all.



They ask, "Why don't you appeal to take LUE?".
I say, "Because I didn't do well and even if I do take LUE, I'm not good enough to move on. I'm not ready."


Yea, I'm not ready.



Until now do I realise I've never been ready for JC life in the first place. I have bigger and better ambitions for myself than to stay stuck in a little prison-like school. Everybody asks what good are you without a degree? I think degree or not, it doesn't matter. Life isn't all about education and getting good results. Life is nothing about that.



Look what society has done. Look at everything.


If the world were a webpage, and if I were to click the Refresh button so the world would restart again, would everything still remain the same?



Now I have to give up everything, everything that I ever owned. I don't know why but I'm more stressed than ever.


How will things be like for me next year? Will I get upset when I see my friends all graduating while I wait for Promos results? Will I miss my current class so badly?

I shouldn't.

I don't make a (significant) difference anyway..



So, yea I'm lost now like a little lost baabaa sheep. I can't think any longer.







Went for flu jab yesterday and doctor asked if I wanted the jab on my butttttt. ):
No I got it on my arm, and it hurts. ):
And I have a fever with nobody to care. ):



I should just go bang the wall and die shouldn't I.

As much as I don't want to leave my classmates, I have to because I didn't do well. It's like, I really don't mind retaining if its the only way I can do better in JC. Although we've only been classmates for about 8 months, it isn't really a short time as well. We had fun with each other, and I'll most definitely miss Jac, Eve and Jes. These 3 are the ones I hang out with everyday and we had many crazy times together. Okay most of the time I was the only crazy one but nevertheless, I'm glad I got to know them and it'll really suck to leave them but I guess I have to face it.


I'll miss 09S29. Because there are really cute people in it. Like Ian. He doesn't know this but like sometimes he'll be really boyish and cute kind and it'll make me smile.


I couldn't blend in with the class, and all day long I only hung out with Jes Jac and Eve. So they are the people I'll really miss most. But also Joyce, she's so quirky and random and I'll miss such a personality.


I don't know all I know is I'll really miss these people and I don't know what kind of classmates I'll have next year. Will they be as fun, as friendly or as cute as my 09 classmates? It's like no matter what my first JC class could never be replaced. Because you know, the first experience is always the fondest memory. And this is my first J1 class, my first 2nd family in JC, I'll never be able to get over it.


Just have to, do better for next year, and I thought for really long and I believe retaining isn't a big deal. It's just that I need a bit more time than others to complete my JC education, and being retained is always better than being expelled.

Yea I cried a lot because I can't believe I'll ever get retained but this is part and parcel of life. So what now, I get retained, I still have to carry on with life just that I'm back to square one I have to repiece the puzzle all over again. If I can do much better next year which I'm sure I will, retaining isn't the end of the world at all.



To take my mind off things, I went to do something I've been yearning for. I love my long curly hair when I curl them. It's so long it's like way past my boobs! :D

KJ said I should advertise my blog hahaha.

And the advert will go, "COME VISIT A-MESSYBEAUTY.BLOGSPOT.COM AND READ ABOUT MY BORING LIFE SO YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT THE ONE WITH THE MOST BORING AND MUNDANE LIFE EVER, IT'S ME!"


K so fine I now have some proper pictures to put up.
YES I KNOW, LIKE FINALLY RIGHT.

But I'm just taking these photos from facebook teehee.


So these are from the BBQ at Liwei's on the 3rd Oct, no I don't think it was a Mooncake Festival BBQ.
Hah and anyway not everybody turned up so sad. ):

But it's alright the jokers were there and it's fine. I meant, JOKER, singular. Because IAN was the only joker haha.



Check this out Liwei made this for us. Cool or what! Find my name! If you can find my name you get $0.20 from me! Want or not? It's pretty obvious.. One try only!




They were playing Twister. I was very sian because of my fat size I was like the first to get kicked out of the game. I landed my butt on the Twister mat but ohdamnit it felt so good to have your butt sit down again after some time of Twister. IAN the joker's the one in green and you know what, I better lose weight ASAP because I am looking like him, in terms of size don't you agree?

You must wonder why BBQ in a place like this. Oh well we were in the Function Room. There was quite a bit of rain and so we all ate in the Function Room, only once in a while people took turns to go downstairs to the pit to BBQ in the rain. People not refering to me though, but EVANGELINE totally went to BBQ marshmallows for everybody!
<3s.



A pic of some of us, I NEED TO LOSE MY CHEEKS OMFG.


Why am I not blogging? Because I need constant nagging and urges to blog. So nag at me to blog if you want to read my blog. I'm blogging this time because KJ nagged at me, sort of. But KJ won't be so successful next time.

It's been so long since I blogged, I think, that I can't remember my blog url at all.

It's like right, I typed in "http://" in my address bar and then i forgot how to continue. I ended up going to facebook, my profile to click on my own url hahaha what a failure.


And I am so sad why is it that my life revolves around stupid people who don't give a fuck for others and who are so interested only in outer beauty. Go fuck yourself.

THIS IS PROLLY GONNA BE A CHILDISH POST TO SOME OF YOU BUT THIS IS REALLY WHAT I'M FEELING AND I'M REALLY VERY SAD ABOUT IT SO PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME I'M CHILDISH.

It's been predicted that we are gonna die in 2012 and I am not going to go against that prediction. Being the naive and gullible person I am, I jumped to believing that prediction at first, that we are all gonna die.

I got so frantic because it's only a few years left and I so want to grow up before I die! And I went around asking everybody to tell me its not true, but still I tried to convince them that it's true.

Okay fine in the end they all managed to persuade me that the world is NOT going to end and the prediction thing will not happen so soon. I believed everybody.


Now I think otherwise again. It's showing isn't it? Climate changes, natural disasters, man-made disasters even. Everything bad is happening together all at once.


Yesterday and today there were earthquakes in Sumatra. Today while watching Transformers in school I felt the tremors for the first time in my life.

I was shaking left to right and back again and I thought I was sick but apparently it was really strong tremors that shook you like crazy. We were all wow-ed by the fact that we experienced tremors and I'd say I was pretty surprised.



But now I think of it I feel very sad. Why are we wow-ing over tremors like it's a real big thing when over at our neighboring countries people are dying? I don't understand.

Those people are poor enough, and their lives are hard enough compared to us who live ever so comfortably in our safe nation. Why is it that they are dying from natural disasters although they don't deserve to at all? Why are we so not contented with our lives when we already have a life that we know won't be lost anytime to natural disasters? People are really a weird bunch. I still don't understand.


I feel so sad for the earthquake victims. Once isn't enough they had it twice. Will it come again tomorrow? Or the day after? Or a few weeks later?


Why are innocent people dying like that? Old people, young people, plenty.
Is it because humans did something wrong?


Isn't it all cus of developed countries? They emit stuff that harms the Earth but they don't care and the Maldives is at risk of sinking because of global warming.
Those people are innocent! I am getting so confused why are people in developed countries doing this. Is there a law against indirect killing by means of environmental weapons?


Why are humans so weird. Why can't they think for others. If we all lived together as one family without hatred, without discrimination, wouldn't we all be happy?

I am so affected by natural disasters I so hope for one day when it won't happen at all because we're one family aren't we? We should be looking out for one another instead of harming the Earth for our own benefits and in the process kill thousands right?


Save the Earth. Prevent loss of innocent lives.